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A quick post between feeds…

September 12, 2015

Ready… Set… Write!

Finally, the computer is on, and I can start typing again! I haven’t written in a while. It isn’t that I haven’t had time exactly – I’ve had hours on end sitting on the couch contemplating – but I’ve been trapped under a breastfeeding baby and therefore unable to type. Well, beyond just what I can manage one handed on my phone while balancing my baby boy.

Life is good. Our little boy has been born and is nearly ten weeks old. My husband and I are both completely smitten, and in many ways, despite not leaving the house an awful lot, and spending ridiculous amounts of time couch-bound, I feel like I’m actually living my life more than ever before. Stuck on the couch watching the news I hear about refugees risking their lives in desperate efforts of find somewhere to safely live, about women killed and maimed by abusive partners, about little children trafficked and kidnapped, and parents left shattered. And I wonder why I am so lucky. Will my life stay charmed or are my lucky days numbered? Most importantly, will my little man get to grow to be a happy, healthy old man? And I know that I cannot know.

This is what scares me most about parenthood. The worry. Of all the questions I pondered prior to committing to conceiving the question that worried me most, was could I handle the ever present worry that knew would never leave me as a parent. I concluded that it would be worth the worry, and I’m so glad I did. I know I’ll never, ever stop worrying about what the future might hold for my son, but I love him so much that whatever the future holds I’m sure I’ll never regret his existence.

Well, right on cue, he is beginning to rouse and grizzle… And cry… Till next time…

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